I SUCK.

seriously. i haven't started on my midyears revision and i'm probably the only one warming the bench while everybody else is mugging.

things keeps cropping up and i can't bring myself to REVISEEE. i have this phobia of reading textbooks, man. i'm afraid that i'll feel sleepy once i start reading the textbook and i'd waste my time.

deep down i really really want to start studying because i recognise the fact that revising and studying can actually be fun, but i'm just scared. scared that i don't have time and scared that what i'm doing is just not right for the exams! i mean, does it mean anything if i revised all i can but still ended up doing really badly? to me, it's a big fat NO. because i won't be able to tell myself that i've tried my best. and to my parents, "the end justifies the means". just like that.

so, i keep trying to comfort myself and mentally preparing myself by going through my own schedule and plan. i keep telling myself how i will start going to coffee bean EVERYDAY starting from next monday, even if it means going home really late and missing dinner. even if i have to stay back for chinese. and i will remember to bring a jacket because coffee bean's really cold.

a week before the midyears, or next thursday, i will go back to the Jurong Regional Library's Galilee Cafe and see if it works out better than coffee bean. compare and contrast, make a finaly decision which is a better study place and then STICK TO IT. i will dig up all the notes i made last year and MEMORISE my hypothalamus into mush.

i will stop going for recess, because the time can be used to cover much more grounds. do math tuition homework! yes yes, that'll work. i will get my dad to sponsor my coffee bean card because then i can get discounts off my decaf coffee. hm, maybe i will have to have them caffeinated now. :(

i will keep on repeating the above blog post in my mind until monday rolls around so that when it really comes, i will know what to do and how to do it. AND I WILL CERTAINLY DO IT, EVEN IF IT MEANS FORCING MYSELF.

that's how audrey works. sucks to be her. :(