i HAVE been studying, but is currently slacking. crossed chapter 4 of bio off my list, because i memorised! yay me. but it was frustrating because my brother and mother were extremely extremely noisy. they just don't have the ability to speak softly. so i slammed the door on them after asking them to be quieter and then when to the kitchen, where i memorised everything. of chapter 4.

i have to find my Zen place!!!!

anyways, i realise that i'm a morning&night person. afternoons are the bane of me. seriously. i get hot and flustered and i can't function with noise. hair sticks to my neck and i flick at it impatiently. when i notice how i haven't done much, this panic diffuse into my chest and adds to the worries. I, CAN'T, STAND, IT.

in the mornings, the sunlight contains vitamins which do not harm your skin OR make it any darker than it already is. the birds chirp at a relatively low level. i finish bathing and then start revising with a fresh clean state of mind.

at night, it's dark outside and all is quiet except the crickets. the night breeze comes in and soothes me while i learn all about giant covalent structures and reactivity.

unfortunately, the afternoon is the longest period of the day and if i can't function then, i can't seem to stick to my schedule. nevertheless, when there's a will, there's a way. i will do just fine for this exams. i'm not a Christian, but i believe God has a plan for me anyway.

so i hope i will get through this ordeal. because if i can't, i am dead for o' levels. really.

also, i've been consciously noticing my desire to eat grow and grow. i'm not even hungry. i want to eat for the sake of eating. i crave after Nutella sandwiches at random times of the day! but i control all these crazy fattening thoughts. you say i can't work on an empty stomach, but i say my stomach isn't even empty!

furthermore, if i pig out now, what's going to happen to me after the exams and during the holidays. really, in the holidays, eating is a way for me to waste time. i cannot imagine what i will look like if i eat without control. so i must be strict with myself now. i will keep reminding that i have lost a kilogram and is not about to gain it back.

i have a dilemma though:
BANGS; to keep or not to keep.

help me?

-
But I get my hopes up and I watch them fall every time.
Another color turns to grey.
And it’s just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away.