HAHAHA av, you're so funny, i bet you don't even know it. i went to your blog to see if you've updated and yay, you did.

but it was a one-liner which i didn't get, at all.

THIS IS THE LAST TIME? i was thinking about what it meant and why it was in such big font. maybe your mom annoyed you again and this is the last straw? my mind sprinted off in a quick journey of wild imagination before my sanity reeled it back by hovering my mouth over the five words.

AHA. new link to new blog and everything falls into place. :D

okay, so maybe you're funny because i'm slow. but nevermind. being complimented is always nice, right?

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wellwell, going on. i'm silently freaking out, afraid that i might not be able to complete my scenario draft 1 by monday, or that even if i do, it'll be lousier than the others. pressure pressure. how i hate it. there are other homework too, but i shall try not to worry so much presently.

well, my body's aching all over, all credit going to the PFT. it was especially horrible yesterday in school! whenever i stood up to greet a teacher, my back hurt. when i sat back down, my thighs hurt. not only that, my shoulders and my arms hurt. gah, i felt like an old woman groaning and moaning away.

regardless of that, i went out with emily yesterday!!! i went over to NJ to meet her and waited a little while at the busstop. when she finally came out, i gave her a long big hug, willing myself to not cry. we flagged a taxi and cabbed to far east. walked around while catching up and she tried looking for her pumps and cargo pants. after a while at far east, we took a bus down to heeren where we continued shopping.

we met jiani&co halfway and she informed us that jacq was a taka, alone! emily and i decided to spring a little surprise at jacq, so we sashayed down to taka, only to find out that she was actually at wisma atria! grugh. we shuffled back to wisma.

we found her alone at Forever 21 and then we followed her around as she shopped. she didn't really buy anything, same went to emily. she found this pair of pumps which she really liked, but was too expensive. :/ i hate prices deciding whether i should buy it or not for me.

...

i'm so very scared that me and emily'll drift apart. i mean, it's already kinda obvious that we're not as close as we used to be and it frightens me. i'm frustrated at myself for not being able to maintain a long-distance relationship, so-called. would it be stupid if i tried going into NJ for emily? i mean, she'd still be in IP and i'd still be in 'mainstream' (irony irony), but it will still somehow comfort me that we're in the same school, right?

i hate this, i really do. in sec 2, i thought we were going to last forever. i mean, i thought we would have at least two more years, until sec four where we'll maybe try hard, but end up going to different jcs. i didn't expect emily to go to nj or me and jacq ending up in different classes. i know i sound very whiny, and i FEEL whiny. it's just unfair. everytime i think of 2g and miss it so much, is mainly because everything's right there. everything i ever wanted is there. i have jacq and emily, i have my clique, i have my girls, i have everything.

and the saddest thing is that i can't tell this to anyone. nobody REALLY understands. i feel so trapped. stuck in the past, unable to move on mentally. maybe that's why i had mild depression in the first term, but now that i've got sze, av and natw to make me laugh, it's better.

i don't know. i'm so confused. i want everything to go back, but it can't. i want everything to be better, but it won't. sometimes everything seems alright, and i wonder how long i can remain afloat.

i hope i don't drown in my heldback tears.