I AM FREAKING OUTTTTT.

1) my scenario draft one is due on tuesday, but i'm having major writer's block. no, actually i don't think it's writer's block. i have the whole scenario (HAHA) in my mind, but i'm afraid that everything'll turn to shit once i type it out. the fact that i'm up against melissa, jaime, avril, jingning and pauline is NOT helping. i hate this.

2) why is everybody studying physics? i thought our physics test is over? is there a quiz that i'm not informed of? WHAT?

3) i haven't done the english speech and my chinese writeup. the english speech is due on tuesday tooooooo. and the chinese writeup was given to me a century ago. i just keep forgetting! AHHHHH.

4) i haven't finished up my bao zhang bao dao!!!!!!!!! I AM DEAD. jingning's going to murder me. nat's going to hate me. I AM DEAD.

5) i had oily spring chicken for dinner and my whole mouth feels so yucky oily. and the stupid itchy mosquito bite on my FACE is irritating me to no end.

6) my mom keeps pressurizing me to go for the japan sabbaticals. she doesn't understand anything at all. i tell her the problem but she rephrases everything and makes me sound ridiculously immature. my reason is valid. IT IS. she just doesn't get it. she's not a fifteen year old teenager in SBC.

7) i'm feeling like i'm slipping back into my emo rut. i also know that everything would seem to look better once tomorrow comes and i see av&natw&sze's faces.

8) have i mentioned how i love blogger because whenever i have no one to talk to or scream to, it is always there for me? i always imagine a crowd reading my post as i type and it somehow comforts me that someone out there knows. i don't care if they're imaginary or not, i'm psycho ANYWAY.

9) my heart is racing fast and furious. school is so stressful, i hate it. i also hate how i've been hating so many things, but i can't help it. i don't want to go through all this in life. i sometimes think of committing suicide, but i won't ever do it. because i'm a coward and because i don't want to cause so much pain.

i don't know when this happened, but someone told me somebody died a long time ago and it hit me that life's still going on as it is. when i die, life's going to stop for me. but it's still going on in general. i know everything as they are because I'M ALIVE. but when i stop living, IT'S JUST ME. life will go on. and that, is very sad. because no matter how and no matter what, Life Will Go On Without You.

10) i've reached Number Ten, so i'm going to publish this. this does not mean that i'm not freaking out anymore. this just means that i'm going to continue freaking out, alone. if only someone knows how i feel. it would mean so much if they thought to themselves, "this poor little dear, i hope she pulls through." because everytime i feel like i won't make it to the finishing line.

but i will, anyway, and start another race all over again.