first extreme emotion of the day: GROSSED OUT.

second extreme emotion of the day: ANGRY, FRUSTRATED, SAD.

third extreme emotion of the day: NUMB.

--

my heart's honestly numb. okay, so it's not numb, but it's uncomfortable. and i'm typing this with

why am i even explaining? i'm so emo, i feel like dying now. okay, not dying. crying's more like it. i can cry, if i want to. but i'm not allowing myself to cry. no. i'm strong. i won't cry.

suddenly, i hate her more like anything else. i shouldn't be hating her and i don't really hate her. i'm just channelling my mixed feelings towards her.

SHIT.

I FEEL SO PISSED AND URGHHH

BSIFNDISPWNFDNJN9EO23ITU48HDCNDBNF

oh gosh. i can't stand it. i cannot. i want to call someone and just shout and shout and shout.

but nobody really understands. NOBODY. there used to be a SOMEBODY. but not NOW.

i feel like cursing. i feel like going on the Viking, so i can scream out, and the uncomfortable feeling would be my stomach dropping and not my heart hurting.

goddamnit. im feeling so lousy now. and i can't call anybody. go to hell.

i'm not exactly audrey now. exit this window.

because the knowledge of you reading all this just makes things worse. i'm typing this because i can't call anybody. if i can't blog too, then i think i'll just die of heart failure.

...

it's times like this that i can no longer tell myself, "hey audrey, you'll be fine. swallow everything back inside. keep everything to yourself. your heart's a bottomless pit, ain't it?"

that works everytime.

EVERY SINGLE TIME.

...except this time.

(don't ask. you don't have to bother. 'cos i won't tell. I WON'T.)