[disclaimer: emo post ahead and if you do not want to be any more depressed by the eoys than you already are, please just close this window and start thinking about how you have worked so hard for the eoys but all your mother would care about are those damn marks.]

i tell you, i have never worked so hard for just a few pieces of papers in my entire life. psle was one thing but the eoys are another.

i almost just died trying to fit all those historic and ancient information into my head and all she can say when i told her that history was a killer was "see? always never work hard."

and when i negotiated with her to watch Princess Hours (which starts next monday on channel U, fyi.) she started rambling. and going on and on and on.

really, do i have to spend four hours locked up in those blue walls of mine just to study for some freaking listening composition?!

what, four hours just to try digging all that ear shit outta my ear? like i have four hours worth of ear shit to dig lah. just one hour to watch Princess Hours, that's all i'm asking for. is it so hard and impossible?

always, she asks me to question my heart whether i worked hard and did my best for the exams or not. and always, i bow my head in guilty silence.

but this ONE time, i am able to tell my heart fiercely that yes! i did try my best and worked hard. what else do you classify blaring my throat away as? singing lessons for frogs? MY FOOT. i was trying to memorise history. you know that, i know that, she knows that.

i tried to memorise everything, but i can't, okay?, i can't. you got a problem with that? tell me who in the class memorised every single chapter of history?!

fine. so there may be some people who did, but what im saying that it's already good enough that i memoried most of them. not only history. geography too.

and later on, life science. and physics.

all my life i work my ass off for exams, just to prove to my mum that i can do it. the only one time that she was ever satisfied was my psle marks?!

really, will the most memorable thing in my whole life be some pathetic certificate that shows three digits?

that would really be a laugh.

i tell you, i won't be enjoying my holidays either. you can't, when your mother's just harping over your lousy marks and probably digging up Audrey's History Of Lousy Marks. oh no, she'd have known it so well, she can just say it out like how we all can say the pledge. just that we don't say the pledge as often.

sigh.

...

and to think all i ever wanted was to say with a smile, "i had such a happy childhood, that happiness can last me the rest of my life.".