alas, the sky has collapsed and all hope is L O S T.

when i wrote that, i didnt mean anything.

but now, everything's changed.

everyone's leaving me.

fine.

leave ol' audrey here behind. we're all breaking free. all of us except audrey.

dont be feeling guilty now. i know it cant be helped. all this breaking free. it's just that... just that.. everything's coming apart so suddenly.

and it's so ironic how i mentioned friends are my life in a few posts back.

seems like,

my life is OVER.

i do try very hard you know. in being a good friend. im always giving in, not that im complaining. i did everything willingly. cos they were such good friends. and who cares about all the bad when you can see their good? it's the good that matters, aint it? always high and hyper and smiling and laughing. that's audrey for you. i wasnt like that in primary school you know. you can ask jing ning or geelyn. i only had geelyn as a friend in p5 and i literally stuck to her. maybe a few more friends in p6. but when i finally graduated, i told myself that i could start a new life. i became someone totally different from who i used to be. in primary school, if i wasnt being extra, then i was invisible or not wanted. but in secondary school, woah. i was in a CLIQUE. i had more that THREE friends who i loved. i always had someone to go to. that's all i ever dreamed of. having friends which i can have fun with, be wild with, go crazy with, share secrets with, giggle my stomach off with. sure, sometimes i feel extra or anti-social, but compared to pri sch, hey! this is so much better already. so, giving in isnt a hard thing if that's what it takes to have a great friend forever. i'll completely change my life just to fit in with you guys. im like the wannabe and you guys are those superstars the wannabes want to be. acting cool and acting 'in' just to be with people who are cool and 'in'. man was i desperate. it worked. all the hard work paid off. i have a fab class and the greatest friends ever. i could die then and have no regrets. and then it all changed. it's time to go already. inevitably, i'll feel sad. but, go on and fly. really. you guys changed my life and i want you guys to know that. i dont want to be the burden, preventing you from spreading your wings. so, FLY. you've given me fun, trust, security and so much more. but most importantly, you wonderful guys gave me LOVE and really, audrey's one true happy girl.

[/edit] seriously. i am so hurt, i dont feel anything anymore.